I watched my first bit of WWE for the first time since the Royal Rumble in the early hours of Monday morning, as the biggest event of the year, Wrestlemania, rolled into Dallas for the 32nd edition.
Watching with a group of mates probably made ‘Mania seem better than it actually was, and it still wasn’t good. My overall feelings are that everything just seemed like a let down or completely pointless – with several matches not actually having effect on or meaning anything at all.
It was a disappointing show, but there were some highlights in the rough. So here are my thoughts on every match up from Wrestlemania 32. Disclaimer: I don’t know much about wrestling.
Kalisto beats Ryback – 4/10
The pre-show began with Kalisto retaining his United States championship belt against Ryback. The match was rather dull and I find it hard to care about either of them. Kalisto is as a budget knock off Rey as it gets and Ryback is just a hunk of meat who’s brooded about the place and done nothing for years.
Team Total Divas beats B.A.D and Blonde – 3/10
The divas were my favourite part of Wrestlemania, just not these divas. Without sounding like a complete pig, however, it was quite exciting seeing Lana in ring gear but not much else about the match up really grabbed me.
The Usos beat The Dudley Boyz – 3/10
The pre-show really didn’t kick ‘Mania off on the bets of starts and this tag team match up was another one that bored me near to tears. A real pointless fight.
Zack Ryder wins the Ladder Match – 8/10
Actual Wrestlemania got off to a very good start. The seven way ladder match had everything you could want from a match containing ladders. Big jumps, bigger crashed and some really hard hits were shared out equally. Owens and Zayn going at it full pelt was great to behold and Ryder actually winning the Championship was a lovely moment. Shame he’s already lost it.
Chris Jericho beats AJ Styles – 7/10
I thought this was a really well contested match, with even yur auld da Jericho applying himself well. As someone who knows very little, it felt like a very technical match up. Thought the match was very good, the result was a massive let down and was the first of a long string of such results.
The League of Nations beats The New Day – 9/10
New Day once again proved that they are, by far, the most fun aspect of WWE at the minute. Their colour, flamboyance and flair is absorbing to watch. The match with The League of Nations was a pretty much a non-event that meant nothing and had it been on its own it would be getting a much lower rating. But in the aftermath Shawn Michaels, Mick Foley and, to the biggest pop of the night, Stone Cold Steve Austin all came down and cleaned the house. With Wade Barrett taking a particular battering. The three legends then starting giving and twerking with New Day, which ended with Xavier Woods hilariously getting stunnered after getting Austin to join in with the dancing. Great fun.
Brock Lesnar beats Dean Ambrose – 5/10
There was a lot of hyping up about how violent and weapon-y this match would be in the build up, and while chairs and barbed wire clubs were thrown into the ring the violence of the no holds barred was rather underwhelming – as was the entire match. Seeing Lesnar bring out the suplexes always evokes a visceral reaction, but the match was far too short and ended quite abruptly, leaving me and many others asking: “that it?”
Charlottete beats Sacha Banks and Becky Lynch – 9/10
This, for me, was by far the best match of the night. The intensity of the rivalries and story line coincided with how good each of the three ladies were in the ring and made for a passionate, cohesive match which was thrilling. I loved it. However, as was the trend with WM32, the result was a massive let down. Charlotte once again winning once again via the help of the turtle-without-a-shell that is Ric Flair. It just feels like their letting this great womens division, which they keep building up, down by having this man dictate the results of the title matches. So disappointing. That new belt is *fire emojis* though.
Undertaker beats Shane McMahon – 8/10
I think this was my second favourite match of the night. Shane being back in the ring was great to see and took me back to my youth, and he still has it – big time! Shane made Coast to Coast, sold every hit and genuinely looked good in the ring. So much so that it was a shame he was against ‘Taker, who really is passed it now. The snot dripping out of his nose only furthered the breaking of the Dead Man’s facade. Shane jumping off the top of the cell was the obvious highlight, and probably the most iconic image of this years Mania. I’m not sure if the move was stupid or not, a desperate attempt to make the night seem grander, but it really was epic. The man’s got balls and I do hope he sticks around.
Baron Corbin wins the Battle Royal – 5/10
The match its self was another big let down. With the Battle Royal, which is usually contested in the pre-show, coming before the main event it seemed as if something big was going to happen. Shaq O’Neil came out to compete and by christ is he big, but nothing really exciting. NXT graduate Corbin winning the Royal was a nice touch, but I’d have taken anyone over Kane and Big Show.
Rock beats Erick Rowan – 1/10
Sigh. The Rock did his massively flatulent entrance as he set his own name on fire and then went on for ages about the attendance and I was ready to go to sleep. Then the Wyatts came out and it seemed as if they might finally do something, what a statement it’d be to batter The Rock, right? But instead Rowan faced Rock and he beat him in six seconds all so Rock could beat a record. It’s WWE at its worse, a charity case for old stars, putting down newer ones in the process.
Seeing John Cena return was a blast, though.
Roman Reigns beats Triple H – 5/10
For a main event I thought this one was just another non-event. Aside from Reigns getting booed, which is always fun, and then him spearing Stephanie I really can’t remember all too much else from the match. I’m not bothered that Reigns is now Champion again, just as long as it leads to him finally being a heel – which he is very good at judging by RAW.